My story with music started when I was so little that I just can remember some flashes of it. Even English not being my first language, I remember I was able to sing some of Roy Orbison songs when my father used to listen to them. However, I do remember when I was only four years old and asked him this question: why do the most beautiful/touching things in life have to be sad? He mumbled the answer and never really answered properly.
The first song which made me realize something was wrong was A Whiter Shade Of Pale by Procol Harum. Since that time, I fight against depression… through music. Today I am only a grown-up stubborn child full of mind pride refusing to be helped by anyone (professionally or not) and music is the one and only answer to what I have. Music is the way I can relieve the sadness that grows and explodes inside of me from time to time. Music is what makes me breathe calmly after releasing all the confused and mixed emotions contained for different reasons about love, disappointments, false hopes or stories full of lies that made me think I do not belong to this world. Fortunately, Music made me see that I am the only wrong one in this story.
When I reached my teenage years, I was presented to X Japan, a Heavy Metal band from Japan formed by drummer and pianist Yoshiki Hayashi, who was also full of traumas when he was a child. The band touched me deeply because of its very warmhearted and classical skilled power ballads. After that I pursued all his solo materials and Anniversary (Piano Concerto In C Minor) has become my favorite song ever. When I came to know about it, I could only find a low quality recording of a ceremony for the Japanese Emperor. In 2005, with the release of the album Eternal Melody II, a high quality version of the song was recorded and I got totally addicted to it. Exactly when I had the most traumatic experience in life due to a breakup with a girlfriend who meant everything to me.
Anniversary starts with tension, with doubts… it grows stronger like if something was shaken inside and explodes leading to a very melancholic violin which reflects there is no more tears to be shed until… it reaches its climax: there is no correct answer to what you can feel, you cannot tell if it is good or bad and it will only depend on your view of life at the time you are listening. It might mean the end, or the end of a bad time, or the beginning of a new era. The only certain feeling is: you passed by something grand, something that changed you.
Today, I see all of the suffering I’ve been through was necessary to become a better person. All the struggling was transformed by music, especially by this one, to something positive, to optimism, to hope. Hope of one day finding the final piece for what is missing. For now, at least I know Anniversary is with me, it is my company for solitary times, it is the strength and relieve to keep pursuing an answer.
And if only one day I could say something to Yoshiki-san, it would be very simple words, yet very important ones: thank you so much for helping me, I will pass it on your message!