For the past few years, I’ve been feeling kinda depressed – not to say suicidal. Every time I keep going and I fight through, I tell myself that something will probably come next and change everything, that somehow this thing will happen and give my life a meaning. And you know my “life” would start for real and I’d end up being happy. So I kept expecting something to change my whole life. At that moment, my life was just a waiting period till it’ll happen and then my real life would start. It’s like commercials when you’re watching a show. As you’re sitting here waiting for your show to kick off, you know the commercials will end and whatever you’re looking for will finally begin.
So what did I do ? I kept waiting. I wait. Till this word and feeling lost all meaning. And days by days, the wait ate me whole. It broke my nights, my eyes got darker. My friends fade out. My look lost all fantasy. I went away. All of a sudden I wasn’t the same person anymore. Time’s been killing me.
And then it just hit me as I was daydreaming in class a Friday afternoon (nov15). It’s been there all along.. PASSION !
I have fucking PASSION. And it’s probably why I’m still in this world. Passion saved me. Having a passion is when what what you do is normal to you but not to other. It’s an ingrained part of you. It didn’t occur to me that spending days listening to music, checking out new releases online, watching hundreds of live performances, making gigs and festivals my priority, writing songs, playing music, learning new songs and so on were things not everyone considered “fun”.
My problem was perception, it was right there in front of my eyes but I was avoiding it.
I always thought everyone LOVED music. I mean really. One of those inborn things – “everyone likes music” it’s like drinking water, you know. I didn’t. I was completely wrong. Some people.. well a lot listen to stuff randomly. They hear some sound, they don’t listen. It’s like channel-hopping when you’re “watching” TV.
Whenever I try to speak about it to my friends or family, they sum it up to “yeah we get it, you like music”. Basically, to them I just like music. And I thought I did. But later on I discovered that it’s much more than that. Music moves me. Music is my mystery. Music changed my whole perception of things.
I remember when it all started. It all begun with my first mp3 player when I was around 10. And ever since, I’ve always been saying “Music is my thing”.
There have been four major milestones in my life and they are all related to specific bands : Nirvana – Oasis – Arctic Monkeys – Bastille.
For each period of my life, one of this band popped in and it was like coming up for fresh air. They saved me it’s all I know. I relate so much to their songs and lyrics. It’s much more than a piece of music.
While I was waiting all my life, it was right there. I was made to understand and love music. I was born to be passionate about this art, it’s all I can do.
So big up to all the artists right there, who share their music, thank you for believing enough in your work and your talent to make a career out of it.
And to all of you.. never underestimate your music. You don’t know who you might save with it. So keep sharing your beautiful work.
And you too, if you’re a musician, believe in your work and share it. Might not speak to everyone but it might speak to ONE person. And that’s enough
Joy and happiness are in every note. This is pure bliss. I am so happy that I am lucky enough to see and get it.