If I stay, You stay

my emotions are all over the place tonight, i feel so at peace with myself and my life. I’m happy and feeling very blessed and grateful. I decided to do some writing tonight about my thoughts and why I’m feeling grateful and i wanted to share it. whether it gets read or not I’m glad to be sharing this 🙂

We all feel like giving up at some point in our existence, whether its because you’ve simple just had a bad day or something in your life occurred and made you want to give up for days, weeks, months or even years. We all deal with this kind of thing in our own way some better than others. Some people may take a small negative occurrence and deal with it like its the end of the world, some people might take a huge negative occurrence and just brush it off like it was nothing. There is going to be a point in ever single persons life where they just want to give up.  Me personally I want to give up on a regular basis, sometimes ill have so much negativity thrown at me all at once and I just bottle it up and all it takes is the tiniest occurrence to happen and I snap, I go in to melt down, I WILL WANT TO GIVE UP! But then something positive, bright and amazing will happen and it puts everything in to prospective. I am here for a reason, the people that are in my life are in MY life for a reason, the things that happen in my life negative and positive happen for a reason. There’s a whole world out there for me to experience, there are so many more adventures waiting for me, so many more opportunity so many more people for me to meet yet. My time isn’t up, even when I feel like it should be its not. In my life right now I have an amazing support system, my family that including my friends. I am surrounded by the people and things I love the most. Music and positive company is all I need in life, I would not survive without my music and my family.

Everyone has that one unique thing in their life that makes them the happiest person alive, it could be absolutely anything But its the only thing in your life that you truly connect with and only you and that one thing can feel that connection.  For me, my true happy place is music, now I know most of my friends, their one unique happy place is music as well but I know for a fact they don’t have the connection I have with music and they don’t feel what I feel when I’m surrounded by music. They will feel something just as strong and powerful as I’m feeling but that’s their personal connection, not mine. My Biggest music influence when it comes to my own happiness is my favourite band Sleeping with sirens and their front man Kellin Quinn. As a band those guys have given me a connection to music I’ve never had before. 5-6 years ago when I first came across them I connected to their music on such an insane level. I discovered them when all this started, when I wanted to give up for the first time, when I was so unhappy I started my journey to rock bottom. And I truly believe if I hadn’t discovered sleeping with sirens at that moment in time I would of hit rock bottom a lot quicker than I did and I truly believe I would of hit rock bottom a hell of a lot worse than I did if I hadn’t discovered them. Musically they just made my heart happy and took me to a place id never been before. Lyrically they hit home, they spoke the words I was trying to get out but couldn’t find, they gave me a place to go where I was truly happy, they gave me hope and a light that I never thought I would have again. Sleeping with sirens saved me.

Kellin Quinn as an individual brought a separate kind of hope and light in to my life. He gives off a message of encouragement, hope, strength and love. During the guys shows kellin has given some incredible speeches before certain songs, the one that I love the most, the one that really hit home and stuck with me was a speech from a show in 2013 where he said “I want you to know you can do anything you fucking want with your life, don’t let anyone tell you different. And I wanna let you know it doesn’t matter how bad things are right fucking now, they will get better. Live your life. Don’t let anybody beat you down so hard that you would take your own life. You live your life and stick your middle finger up and you say “I’m gonna live!” and a very recent speech he gave, he said “ I don’t know why I’m up here sometimes. I tell you one thing; I’m transparent, I’m not good at hiding my feelings, I’m not good at smiling or faking it. If I’m not in the mood, I’m not in the mood, and that’s OK. I wanna tell you something: you’re not alone. If you feel like you’re the only one who understands you, that’s not true. Even the people that are here, that you think are the most confident motherfuckers in this world go through not knowing why they’re here or why they’re alive. I tell you one thing, you know what? I’mma stick it out. And the reason why I’mma stick it out is because I feel like there’s a reason why I am here, other wise I wouldn’t be here. So I’ll make a promise with you, If I stay, you stay. Don’t give up on yourself”  I know for a fact Kellin has saved lives just from those speeches and all the other times he’s given advice. Those speeches to me helped me, they gave me that push I needed at those two separate times. Those two speeches will stick with me forever and I will always live by them and thank Kellin for his words. Along side Kellin’s insanely powerful yet simple words, his song writing and sharing his personal life past and present is so inspiring. Knowing that someone I look up to and so many other people across the world look up to has been through/ is still going through the same depression, anxiety and or life events that are similar to Kellin’s is in a way comforting. It shows you’re not alone and having kellin open up to the world like that is something I and all the other fans will cherish and appreciate forever. He’s shown us it does get better, there are bumps in the road, things will be rocky for a while but there’s another side to this rut and we can get to the other side in one piece.

Sleeping with sirens and that whole scene of music bring awareness to all these heavy subjects through their lyrics, events, warped tour etc. To the bands that have played warped tour and supported all the incredible sponsors and workshops there and helped push the message of saving lives I am forever grateful and wish to fly over to the US to attend one year. This scene of music is why a lot of people who listen to their music are clean from self harming, seeking help for their depression and or anxiety. This scene of music is why people choose to live! Bands like sleeping with sirens who bring the message of your life is worth living to each and every show is why people believe they are worthy, they are brave, they are strong and they are capable of getting over this obstacle in their life. And I am forever grateful for that. I am forever grateful to them for saving my life. This scene of music is why i am still alive. To music in general it is one powerful, beautiful thing I call my happy place.

To be continued……