hi my names cj
the day before last i met an extravert who hapilly stopped as i was waiting for my ride to work. he says you ok n i reply yea just work you know.
i should probably back track a little but the jist is i struggle with hope and self worth. they said dysthimia. i make music
im an american whos lived half of life in new zealand. 12 – 21
the guy hops out ‘gday names porkey thought u was wasted or something sitting in the gutter’. i exsplained about work and we talked about my accent that wont ever die. we got onto the topic of music and he pulled an acoustic out. i quickly tuned it an started playing my best song atm (dont play covers cuz i cant feel them a few nirvana exceptions) i think he was threatened by me playing music and got onto his success in life i was attentive but also before he started talkin i told him ill do the lyrics this time around (about awkward talking) he inter veined and i listened as i dont find pleasure in knocking people down. so i didn’t sing him that song. iv sung it to others and its powerful and funny about the pit falls of conversation eg fights sex money drugs work eye contact liars what i feel. we got to a point and i picked it up again this time i played a simpler song that i would not play to anyone for fear of losing intrest but its heartfelt about my st ruggles of not being dumb not being fun needing some to make my mind numb n other sorts but beautiful and after that song this man knew i was hurting,
i felt amazing after that and the other song iv performed iv only just started singing an im still working on being classicly trained in guitar.
all the time i get ppl who accept me and make me feel home and it hurts because i dont fight i dont feel worth their time.
i dont know whats going to happen to me because im not enjoying life. but i do have a dream and a person that keep me waking up. iv listened to so much music and been given hope i just bought a fall of troy album and under the cd it says your never alone. i feel like kurt cobain is my freind and just the other day at work listened to messsage n a bottle by the police and i got it.
so one day i hope you get my message in a bottle.
i need to make an album i need to show the world what they turn there backs on and all the people like me i want them to know im there freind.