When I look back, I’m wondering how I survived 23 years of living.
After a really nightmarish childhood and adolescence, I began to realize, that it’s not natural being alive with all those memories and feelings I kept secret for so long.
I have never talked about the things I’ve experienced. Not about the abuse, nor all those years of self-harm. It was a torment I won’t forget. I always believed, someone would see or hear me, maybe even rescue me, I don’t know. Needless to say: nobody came.
Now that I ‘m 23 and actually still alive, I can say retrospectively and despite many setbacks, I always found strength and support in music. I’m a very lyric-based person and especially Emilie Autumn, with her gloomy and poetic way to sing and write, was what I needed when no one was there to understand how I felt. Since today it’s the most heard music in my playlist and while I write this I’m smiling and I feel a bit nostalgic. She is my heroine and the reason why I denied another suicide attempt.