So perfect

The first time I heard about “Hope Through Music” was on my way to the Christopher Street Day in Hamburg. I like the idea of this website and would like to share my story to one of my favourite songs. 

I am 16 years old and transgender. Since last year, I’m okay with it, but my alcoholic father really struggles with it. It’s not that we don’t love each other, it’s more that I was born as a girl and he doesn’t like the idea of who I’ve became. I already knew in kindergarten that I was different, but thinks about being transgender as a kid?

My mom also knew and we always ended up in the boys section during shopping trips. I guess my dad also knew that I wouldn’t become his little princess. My parents are divorced now and I only see him every now and then, but those days aren’t a lot of fun. I sometimes think that he has to drink more to be able to see me. I blame myself for not being who he wanted as a daughter.

Du lachst, du weinst, du strahlst, du scheinst.
Du kratzt, du beißt, Fastenzeit vorbei.
Und wie du brennst, wie du fällst.
Alles wird perfekt! Alles! Alles!
Alles wird perfekt! So perfekt! So peeerfekt!
Alles wird perfekt! So perfekt! So perfekt!

The music of Casper always gave me strength. Sometimes the only thing that keeps me going are his lyrics. When I come home after a weekend with my dad, I always listen to his music on the train. I’m not to blame for who I am, because everything will be perfect. It will take some time till the world accepts us, but until then I will accept myself for who I am.

Translated into english by the “Hope Through Music”-Team