The melody drummed in my ears and echoed through my veins. I shut my eyes and breathed for a moment, “I miss you”, I muttered to myself.
And I’ve always lived like this, the music spoke, keeping a comfortable distance. I felt life respiring back into my soul as I hung onto words sung by someone who doesn’t know of my existence. No one understands how music saves a life until they are truly saddened by having no one to sing to them.The chorus kicks my head into an epiphany, you are the only exception, crooned repeatedly. You really are the only exception; there’s no one else that I want in this world by my side, to wake up next to, to laugh and cry with, to pull closer for a hug, share a tub of ice cream with, make tea for, whirl my fingers around and graduate with.
Drumming broke my train of thoughts and diverted me to the second dimension – my mistakes. I realised that I have been stupid to push you out of my life. You never left, but I was unreasonable and left. I valued my pride instead of putting it down to say “I’m sorry, please let’s put this behind us because you mean the world to me.” because I was afraid that you would leave me instead. Out of all the times I’ve poured my heart out, you never did. When I pulled the last straw, you asked me if I wanted you to leave, and that’s when I knew I screwed up.
I’ve got a tight grip on reality, the silence crumbled by my sobs, but I can’t let go of what’s in front of me here. I mouth worded, ‘I know you’re leaving in the morning when you wake up, leave me with some kind of proof it’s not a dream’.
The chorus reverberated and I sighed.
I lost you. I’m so sorry.
A huge thank you to thbvna!