Unless you have been living under a rock for the past 5 years you have probably heard the phrase “there’s an app for that” at least a hundred times lol . Well I am not as tech savvy as I pretend to be so I do not know much about all that app business but something I do know a thing or two about and that is music. So I am coining my own phrase who knows it may catch on 😉 My phrase is “there’s a song for that”. Whether you are happy and on top of the world or the saddest of sad and everything in between I guarantee there is a song for it. I am a female so naturally I have run the gambit on every kind of emotion one can think of ha ha but on a serious side I have also been through some shit. Some good, some not so good. Maybe it is my connection to and love for music sometimes I feel like I am the only one that can put a song to each day of my life. A lot of people listen to music just for the enjoyment of listening to music. Don’t get me wrong I have many times where I listen to something just to listen and enjoy it and am simply entertained. Majorly speaking however most things I listen to I listen to because there is a purpose behind why I listen to it. I thought I would break down some events that have happened in my life over my 35 years on this earth along with some songs that helped get me through some of those times.
Well the first thing that really sticks out in my mind is I was bullied most of my school years. I remember I was probably 17-18 just about done with my education and I heard this country song by Mark Wills called ‘Don’t Laugh At Me’. That was a poignant moment in my life. Just to hear someone singing about something very real that I was going through along with thousands of other kids I am sure. It hit me though that that song was what I had wanted to say to all my bullies but never could find the right words to say it. The chorus has the lines: Don’t laugh at me, don’t call me names
Don’t get your pleasure from my pain
In God’s eyes we’re all the same
Someday we’ll all have perfect wings
Don’t laugh at me.
That chorus really brought me to my knees it was like I was finally able to say what I had always wanted to say but couldn’t.
Now take it to 1995 the first time I have ever experienced loss and death in my life. My Grandmother who was my best friend in the entire world passed away. I was in her hospital room with her when she took her last breath. I remember right before she took her last breath with tears running down my face and with my voice shaking I told her I loved her. At the time it both broke my heart and made my heart smile to know the last words she heard were mine. Her death was very hard on me not just because she was my Grandmother and best friend but because that was the first time I realized we as people are not immortal. I think when I was faced with that realization is where my life took a dark turn to be honest. I mean when you are hit with such a shocking dose of reality such as that it really mind fucks you big time. I struggled for 15 years after she died. I went through a really ugly depression. I was angry at the world. I mean how could the best person in the world, my closes confidant be ripped away? I mean how could God just take such a precious thing from me? Why was she taken? I mean I went through so many emotional and mental stages in those 15 years. Everything from depression, anger, sadness and every other emotion imaginable. The one song that helped me the most and helped me kind of come out from under that dark cloud was the song ‘No More I love You’s’ by Annie Lennox.
No more “I love you’s”
The language is leaving me
No more “I love you’s”
The language is leaving me in silence
No more “I love you’s”
Changes are shifting outside the word
Okay so now flash forward to the year 2014. I am just hit with my 2nd loss and death. My Father passed away July of 2014. He battled cancer 3 separate times. He was in remission for a couple years the first time, he got cancer the 2nd time and was in remission from that about 20 years when he was hit with cancer in three locations for the 3rd and final time. It was hard especially the last year of his life watching my best friend and the strongest man I have ever known suffer and deteriorate the way in which he did. The one song that I kept hearing in my head after he passed every time I closed my eyes for a moment I would hear this song in the back of my mind. So I actually listened to it on my lap top and I had myself a good long cry and it helped me in the grieving process. The song that helped me the most during that time was ‘The Drugs Don’t Work’ by The Verve.
Now the drugs don’t work
They just make you worse
But I know I’ll see your face again
These are some of the songs that helped me get through some of my darkest times. I will share a blog soon to tell of the songs that helped me get through some pretty awesome times 🙂 Despite what folks might think I have had good times as well. It is just human nature I think to turn more to music when you feel like you have nothing else and while you feel like your world is crumbling around you. Stay tuned 🙂