Writing My Future

If I had the possibility to talk to the person I was ten years ago I would only have one thing to say: Stop thinking

I’m writing the future,
I’m writing it out, loud.
We don’t talk about the past,
We don’t talk about the past, now.

I thought too much about everything my whole life: What shall I do with my life? What is my talent? What if I fail in life? How do I get away from this city? What are people thinking about me? How can I proof everyone wrong?

The fact is: I still have no idea. I panic pretty fast about not knowing what’s next. Panic that much that I’m not able to speak or work, because I’m busy worrying. That’s when I listen to the same songs over and over again to calm down.

So, I’m writing the future,
I’m leaving a key here.
Something won’t always be missing,
You won’t always feel emptier.

My mind is so caught up by the idea of me failing in anything that I probably will. Some people label this as quarter-life crisis while I question the term quarter-life. Does this mean there won’t be any questions when I turn 30? Will I then process right into my mid-life crisis? Our whole life is full of questions and no one will be able to answer them, because no one knows. But what I wish selfishly for myself is that the pressure of society of who I have to become will turn into acceptances of who I am now.

Just think of the future,
And think of your dreams.
You’ll get away from here,
You’ll get away eventually

I actually don’t care about cash or my career, because it won’t satisfy me for the rest of my life. And I use to be satisfied as my life goal, because being happy is just temporary. I want to look back and want to be satisfied. Maybe that’s an impossible goal, but maybe not. At least I have to try it.

There is honestly just one specific reason (besides the lyrics) why I chose this song for this story, because the part without vocals can be compared to the sounds all these questions make in my mind. Every question has its own loudness. Every question has its own pitch. None of them has to be answered, because they can’t and I have to learn that.

So, just think of the future,
Think of a new life.
And don’t get lost in the memories,
Keep your eyes on a new prize.